hight : 5"3 1/2
HW: 180 lbs
lw: 100 lbs
GW (by Dec.25.09):165-160 lbs
GW (by Feb.25.09):145-140 lbs
GW (by Apr.25.09):125-120 lbs
GW (by Jun.25.09):100-90 lbs
I'm praying that with extremely well restricted dieting and excessive exerxcise and vitamins I can do this. I have to. Do you think I can ? Any ideas on how to get started?
Ten days of restricting and running around at work and I've GAINED 1.5lbs. I feel so huge, so BIG. I feel like I lumber when I walk. I want to float. I want to be thin and light as air.
Had an apple just now (supposed to wake your body up better than coffee) and I'm off to work. Water and tea for the rest of the day, boyfriend or no boyfriend. He will not make me eat today.
I control what goes into my body.
I am too scared to weigh myself. I keep putting it off, saying just a few more days and I will have dropped more. But putting it off is making me paranoid. What if I'm gaining? How will I know. What if I am ruining myself? I am terrified.
327 calories so far today. Feeling okay. Feeling bloated. I'm nervous, I start a new job tomorrow. Mostly I'm trying to ignore it and distract myself so I don't dissolve into panic attacks.
T might not come over at all today and I wont see him until after work. I'm so freaking out. I'll be happy to work again tho, I gained all this weight from being unemployed and just sitting at home all day. I might even just walk home. I wonder how far it really is. I'm guessing a mile. That would help burn some of this fucking weight.
I need to exercise today. I just feel so anxious and my chest is so tight. I just need to power through this week of getting used to my new job.
I need to just power through a fast too. It's so hard with T around all the time. I've done so well today but I had to take my medicine and I can't take it on an empty stomach. I feel so ugly. I don't want people to see me. I like being able to hide in my apartment.
God help me, I hate this. I almost wish I stayed home where I knew everyone and was accustomed to my surroundings. This is terrifying.
I have been away from a computer so long and
mine is not working so my archive of Thinsperation
is lost. If you would like to pitch in a link or links to
your favorite sites or pages for Thinsperation. I will
make new one and post it on here every once in a
while for your use and additions..
Maybe if I list what I'm working towards, it will help me stay motivated. Fasting, in theory, has become much easier because I live alone now, but my boyfriend is constantly taking me out to eat and buying me groceries. On the flip side, he wants me to lose weight. (Isn't that lovely? Even my boyfriend thinks I'm fat.)
155- Venice Beach with T
145- Trip home to see family and friends
130- Trip to Universal Studios
120- Belly button pierced
That's about all I've got. 155 is fast approaching, and it's a good thing because it's HOT. My trip to Universal isn't scheduled until September and I better weigh less than that before then! My trip home is still up in the air. And my belly button is only gonna happen when I reach 120 and can maintain that weight. When I get to 115 I will get my new tattoo finally, and I will be happy and confident and sexy. And I'll finally weigh less than my stick of a boyfriend.
Off to shower. I'm holding off on eating until I see my boyfriend which will most likely not be until 6 or 7pm. Huzzah for not having eaten anything since... midnight!
So im not new to this community...but i never post on here. I used to post to the ana_fasts community but that got deleted like 20 mins ago or something.
Anyways ... im fasting tomorrow.
highest weight: 180lb
lowest weight: 100lb
current weight: (**Eye Twitch**)
favorite food: cheese gets me everytime
thinspo: ,hmmm...so many, but I love hip bones O.O
when do you slip: at night. when I get upset.
when did start: highschool, didn't know what it was then though.
does anyone know?: um, yeh.
do you want help?: not now, its stupid really my ups and downs are out of control I guess I want help on that, not being anorexic.
diet pills: love them, they dont fit into my budget now but hopefully soon. they give me chest pains though =\
favorit binge food: mashed potatoes and cheese <- fat on a spoon.
favorite dieting food: dunno, i love green beans. and i really love brown mustard.
how many calories do you consume a day?: fluctuates extremely. but generally try to keep it under 500. when I am good that is.
what tips do you use to lose weight?: um, not eating at night makes things move faster and is also my week spot. basically you learn wat works for you and the truth is nothing works unless you stick to it.
what do you see when you look in the mirror?: this girl, and she is really fat but god she has potential. thats the sad part. the potential.
are you in a relationship?: yes.
if so, do they pressure you to be thin?: no, but he encourages me to be safer.
are you the fat or thin one out of your friends?: thin
are you depressed?: sometimes
do you self harm?: I try not to.
ever tried to commit suicide?: yes
ever been to a psychologist?: yes
favorite song: all I want for x-mas is you mariah carey
Doing ok considering the circumstances. I did well yesterday. So far today i have have done good to woot! idk though I been down. I hate that it comes with the not eating and the fact that I am basically alone this yr for the holidays. I am only 19 and I am alone. thats pretty shitty if you think about it. well I live in a house with 6 other ppl none of which i am related to. i been working which is a good distraction from the food. and i get to start a new job soon. I am stoked for that. more money which hopefully means a car and some freedom from this shit-hole middle of nowhere i live in.
I promise I am not always this negative just that i feel a bit down now and bobby is leaving in a few days. its hard to take to be honest. he is my rock. he is tha only rock I have got. the only person who loves me enough to show it through actions.
I want to be with him.
I want to be with him more than I want to be thin.
and I dont want anything more than that.