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20 December 2008 @ 10:21 am
Shoveling a foot of snow is a great workout. I shoveled so much last night that I made myself sicker (well sicker) and threw up all the chocolate I binged on earlier.

18 December 2008 @ 12:32 pm
So I was talking about how I lost a little weight and this girl at work goes "You have definitely lost weight! You don't want to do it too quickly though." At which of course I sputtered about not having lost THAT much, and it wasn't THAT quickly.

I went shopping yesterday and I actually was able to squeeze into a size 9. My stomach hung over though and it was so gross. I got some really nice sweaters for the winter, mainly to cover up this bloated body. I am trying to stay positive and I am losing, it's just so slow.

So in March, I was 178lbs and now according to my Wii Fit, I am 154.6. It is progress, but I am still lumps and bumps and rolls.

I see no change in the mirror. Is that the sickness? Is that the disease? I have lost 23lbs this year but I see no difference.

I have three weeks until I see my love again. I am beyond excited and I love the sex, except for the naked part. I need to lose as much as possible.

So far today, I have had 300 calories. I did some yoga for lunch and I'll keep today under 500 cals. It sucks being sick because I can't push my body as hard as I usually do before it gives out.
15 December 2008 @ 09:58 am
My weight is not dropping but my body is changing? I am down almost two pant sizes and my upper arms looking thinner in pictures. But what I see on the scale and in the mirror has not changed.

Muscle growth perhaps? Maybe I've just been replacing fat with muscle. But why am I still rolls and lumps and soft spots?

I need to cut back on the exercise a little and drop my calories again. And I NEED to start taking the pills again. That was the only way I got off that awful plateau.
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
09 December 2008 @ 10:31 am
Yesterday was a low. A very bad low. I ate so much that my stomach felt like it was tearing because it stretched so much. And I still feel so bloated. I couldn't get hardly anything up. Since when does purging fail me? I am so slow and mucked up. It's like food drains my body.

Liquid fast to get this shit OUT of my system and to feel clean and empty again.

One month before I fly out and see him again. I can't look like this. I want him so bad, but I don't want to feel his hand running over all these lumps and rolls.
23 November 2008 @ 09:30 pm

Planning next attempt to become skinny!!!! This is becoming an obsession!

Anyways - I start Tuesday, and I need to lose 0.5lbs a day - is this possible? we will see!

I'll post every now and then to let ppl know wat's happening =]

Stay strong =]

Current Mood: blahblah
13 November 2008 @ 10:11 pm
I did it! I had a meal and nothing else, so proud! I hope the next few days go just as well =]


Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
13 November 2008 @ 02:50 pm

I'm doing well at the moment, haven't eaten anything and I've done 40mins exercise BUT I know I have to eat something in a minute to have some energy for my lecture later... really putting it off though, I feel I can start a day not eating but as soon as I eat one thing my stubbornness falls and I can't stop eating!

I read an article 2day on MSN which led me to buy some diet pills! It'll be interesting to see if they work - will let you know if they do!
Read yourself:

Also read that you can survive up to 3 weeks without food, but only 3 days without water - important facts me thinks!

Hope others are doing well


Current Mood: worriedworried
12 November 2008 @ 09:05 pm


I haven't posted on here in a while but I'm at an all time low in my life - really need some1, any1 to talk to. I haven't posted on here in a while because I've tried to fight the need to be skinny but it's not working, so I've come crawling back and this time I will see it through, I will be skinny, and I will be happy.

I need some advise, help really! I'm starting 2mo with exercise and not eating until I think I'm going to faint! What do people set as their calorie count each day? When in the day do you eat?

I'm a heavy 13 stone at the moment, I am a tall 5ft 11inch but I feel fat fat fat, and I'm fed up! my skin feels greasy, my stomach feels like it's not part of me and I'm always out of breath - one fat unfit ugly spotty person who will transform herself so that in 4 weeks when I go out I will be at least a stone lighter and feel a little be in the party mood - for once!

Sorry for the rant!

I'll be posting every day, love this site it's great motivation, and reading what all you people have to say makes me feel less alone =]

Love to all

Current Mood: depresseddepressed
11 November 2008 @ 01:54 am
I am never going to get there. It's not possible. This weight will NOT COME OFF. No matter what I do, I am fat. I want to be beautiful, lite, airy... I want to float.

It doesn't matter how much I restrict, my weight will not budge. I am going to have to get back on the pills if I have any hope of getting rid of this rolly polly body.

I feel so desperate. My depression is back, full force and I can barely keep my eyes open. I just want to step into a fire and let the fat melt off of my beautiful bones...
Current Music: She's Falling Apart by Lisa Loeb
08 November 2008 @ 09:56 am
Went running yesterday for the first time in a LONG time, and it felt good. I should have pushed myself harder because I'm barely even sore today. Well, there is always tomorrow...

Yesterday I only had one meal, but it was greasy chinese, so the calories were THROUGH THE ROOF.

Today... still empty :) I have to work though, and working in a bakery on an empty stomach is always a recipe for disaster. Let's see how strong I can be. Two months EXACTLY before I see him again. <3 I will be thinner than him this time. I will be beautiful and lite and airy. I will lose through the holidays. I can do this.